Battle of the Tongue Cleaners.

Tongue Scrapers. I wonder how many people actually use them. Heck, I wonder how many even know what it is. Well, it’s not the fancy name of a new candy in town.

When I first saw the incriminating pictures of Edison Chen and Cecilia Cheung, the first thing that hit me was Cecilia Cheung’s tongue. Seriously, would you put your private bits on that waxy, cheese coated tongue? Okay maybe if the tongue belongs to someone that does look like Cecilia Cheung, but not everyone looks like her, you know what I mean. So hang on, check the tongue before your bits fall off to the ground.

Cecilia Cheung's dirty tongue.
Dirty tongue. Eh shit, forgot to censor his pubes -_-

If by now you’re still in the dark…Tongue Scraper is used for scrapping your yellow (or in some cases white), waxy tongues during your oral hygienic rituals.

My mom is an active proponent for the usage of Tongue Scrapers, and like her I’ve grown attached to the unassuming piece of plastic. And that is why, I am so bothered by the impending doom of my beloved tongue scraper.

Tongue scraper
Tongue Scraper.

I had a bleak revelation while out shopping trying to find a decent Tongue Scraper for my boyfriend, who had promptly dropped his into the toilet bowl. And I thought shopping for the perfect shoes was hard. It seems like Tongues Scrapers are slowly being phased out and replaced by it’s bigger and fatter cousin, I call it the Fatty Boom Boom. And I just, for the life of me can’t understand why is this happening?

Fatty Boom Boom
Fatty Boom Boom….slowly replacing the humbler, leaner Tongue Scraper.

So I did some research and came out with these comparisons. I call it, the Battle of the Tongue Cleaners.

PRICE

After an exhausting search for the elusive Tongue Scraper, I gave up and succumbed to the bulky Fatty Boom Boom. For RM3 freaking 90. It was actually the cheapest one I could find. The price of Fatty Boom Booms range from RM3.90 to up to RM18.90, and they all look the same – bulky.

The old school Tongue Scrapers? They cost about RM3.50 for THREE and they last forever.

And so, in battle of the price……Tongue Scraper wins.

RM3.50 for 3.
RM3.50 for 3.

SIZE

The Tongue Scraper measures 14.5cm in length and 0.5 cm at its widest.

The Fatty Boom Boom measures 12cm in lenghth and a ghastly 4cm at its widest.

Which one would you bring on a trip? Which one would fit better in your Ikea embellished puny apartment?

And with the spirit of minimising everything in these modern times, it’s absolutely Neanderthal to turn Tongue Scrapers into something bigger.

And so…in the Battle of the Size, Tongue Scraper wins.

Lean, slim and portable.
Lean, slim and portable.

MAINTENANCE

Lets have a look at both tongue cleaning tools again.

Fatty Boom BoomTongue Scraper.

Which one do you think is easier to clean?

Due to the ergonomic of the Tongue Scraper it will take about 3 seconds to wash off all the gunk.

As for the Fatty Boom Boom, lets see…..1 second to get your fingers caught, a couple of minutes to wash the gunk off, another couple of minutes to REALLY get the gunk off, a couple of minutes to get the gunk off the bends and corners, a few more minutes to wash your hands.

Fast forward to 2 hours later, more sunlight. You’re wide awake. Nature calls. You enter your bathroom, see dried tongue gunk on your Fatty Boom Boom and you have to wash it again. And because the gunk has already fossilised, you have to use your finger nails to scrape the shit off. Who’s cleaning who now?

It’s a fast paced life we’re living now and would you want to spend 10 minutes cleaning a f–king tool used to scrape your tongue?

Winner….Tongue Scraper.

Low maintenance.
Low maintenance.

AVAILABILITY

Once upon a time, Tongue Scrapers were as common as your toothbrush. But that’s no longer the case. For the oddest reason, this nifty apparatus is fast disappearing from the market shelves and is being replaced by the big bad Fatty Boom Boom. Personally, I don’t know why this is happening. Perhaps this is an opportunity for unscrupulous companies to get more money by introducing another cleaning tool in the near future, one for cleaning your Fatty Boom Boom.

So, in the Battle of Availability, the Fatty Boom Boom reigns.

It's everywhere!
It’s everywhere!

OVERALL WINNER

The winner of the overall Battle of the Tongue Cleaners is…………Tongue Scraper!

All around winner.
Champion of the world.

Bring my Tongue Scrapers back! omg

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24 Responses to Battle of the Tongue Cleaners.

  1. ginger February 28, 2008 at 1:16 pm #

    lmao, but wif Fatty Boom Boom, u only need 1 hand to scrap while Tongue Scraper need use both hands la but i agree abt the washing of FBB might take longer

  2. ginger February 28, 2008 at 1:18 pm #

    btw, i got white waxy tongues, does yellow waxy tongues mean she eat more cheese? lol

  3. Simon Seow February 28, 2008 at 2:10 pm #

    When I was small, I used to use a metal tongue scrapper. Then when growing up I don’t use any tongue scrapper anymore. I remembered in primary school, the nurse from the government come and teach us to use toothbrush to scrap our tongue but it give me nauseaness.

  4. Dr. Tan February 28, 2008 at 2:41 pm #

    Oh I’ve never seen the slim ones.

    Do you use it by dragging it across the tongue like a trawler (fishing boat wtf)?

    Where did you get them last time ey?

    My FBB was like a spoon which washed itself off rather easily.

  5. twosuperheroes February 28, 2008 at 3:44 pm #

    Hey…I use tongue scrapers too, only mine is shaped a bit different than yours. Looks neither like your Fatty Boom2 nor the tongue scrapers you’ve featured. My one has a grip like I’m using a toothbrush, and it’s bright orange. Very handy too… :p

  6. beetrice February 28, 2008 at 3:46 pm #

    but…but…in terms of useability, the ‘FBB’ wins…”Look ma, ONE HAND!” :D

  7. dweam February 28, 2008 at 4:46 pm #

    oohh i like this post. haha how interesting! and yes i do agree with your disgust! her tongue is grossss!
    if i remember correctly, the buildup can be a site for bacterial infection. eeeep!

    wahaha i use the metal tongue scrapers at home and simplicity shld be key! FBB looks like a can opener to me. lol..

  8. TBG February 28, 2008 at 5:20 pm #

    you can get the pieces that are made from metal (stainless steel i think). its more hygenic than the plastic one you have had, simply because you can boil the metal scrapper in boiling water to kill the germs and it wont event react to the heat, as plastic would. Can get them in the traditional chinese stores (the Chap Foh Pou) if u know what i mean.

    oh btw, please come to my blog and see how you can win some tickets to speedzone ;) maybe even meet the cute cute cute DJs in person!! *did i mention that Matt Hardwick is such a *heartwickker*!!!

  9. Big Boys Oven February 28, 2008 at 5:33 pm #

    You should see my tongue cleaner!

  10. Kimberlycun February 28, 2008 at 5:39 pm #

    ginger: what does the other hand want to do wor? yellow ah..eat more bananas gua hehehehe

    simon: oh yeah i know the metal ones. but i have irrational fear of it cutting off my tongue hehehehe eh you should clean your tongue lah…according to real age researchers, cleaning your tongue lengthens your life by several years. just another random fact i know :P

    dr.tan: this post really reveals my age eh -_- i know the spoon one…i think their the most expensive one!

    twosuperheroes: errmm…is it like dr.tan’s (refer comment above yours)?

    beetrice: but but…what do you need for the other hand??

    dweam: haha yeah it does look like a can opener eh!

    tbg: ooooh ok i’ll have to check out the chinese stores. i dont like the metal ones though, i feel like they could slice of my tongue lol

    big boys oven: why!?

  11. Nicholas Chhan February 28, 2008 at 6:52 pm #

    LOL. That was my focus point when I that pic – I thought it was eww… but didn’t mention it to friend, just shrugged it off.

    I’ve never used both, always I use a toothbrush before gargling. So the clear winner is the toothbrush, less processes!

  12. essentric February 28, 2008 at 9:43 pm #

    i probably have 2 more old school tongue cleaners at home. want me to post ‘em to u? heh.

    i last got it at guardian, yup 3 in a pack.

  13. Ken February 28, 2008 at 9:48 pm #

    hahahah, man (gal), you went through a lot just to censor Edi’s lil’ bro.

    Gotta look at them the next time I’m in Watson’s.

    Cheerios
    Empowering Youth

  14. ShadowFox February 28, 2008 at 9:55 pm #

    Who the fart needs a tongue cleaner ? Just gargle with vodka or listerine. Hehehee.

  15. Notty Gurl February 29, 2008 at 9:25 am #

    I got my plastic winner from pasar malam! Woo Hoo.. those stalls that sell all sorts of nicknacks like nail clippers, black hair clips, scissors, needle… those la! plenty.

    BTW, there are a lot of human out there who have no blinking idea that they need to clean their tongue…. Eeeeyyeerrrrrr…..

  16. schatze February 29, 2008 at 9:32 am #

    I used to use a tongue scraper (Breath Rx makes great ones–not sure if sold outside US, though), but while a student at acupuncture college here, we’re not allowed to use them. The coating on your tongue basically sums up what’s going on inside your body. If your tongue is looking really funky and you didn’t just eat something, something wrong may be going on internally. If her tongue looks like that without…eating anything recently, she’s got some internal issues going on.

    *^_^*

  17. Kimberlycun February 29, 2008 at 9:46 am #

    nicholas: many people probably think that tongues are supposed to look like that!

    essentric: hahaha thanks for the offer but i think i’ll continue my search. my bf is refusing to use the fatty boom boom

    ken: hrmm i cant find any in watsons! :(

    shadowfox: it’s not the same!

    nottygurl: ooh, thanks for reminding me of pasar malam. that’s the only placed i haven’t looked.

    schatze: i guess it’s okay when it’s in the name of medical research hehe

  18. Nicholas Chhan February 29, 2008 at 4:46 pm #

    I feel the demands of this product just rose :D Pasar malan has plenty – going to buy a lifetime supply now Kim? :p

  19. Dr. Tan February 29, 2008 at 8:57 pm #

    Spotted nice Trawler cleaner at Guardian, Ikano Power Centre.

    RM2.30 for 2.

  20. adryazad March 2, 2008 at 1:11 am #

    kim you should bare in mind that ergonomics doesn’t just cover making washing easier. but also usage of the utensil. :P perhaps your ‘fatty boom boom’ could have been better designed for cleaning, but ergonomically, i think using the fatty would be easier. no?

  21. justine April 2, 2008 at 10:48 pm #

    am i the only one in the world who just uses a toothbrush?

    O_o

  22. Kimberlycun April 2, 2008 at 11:55 pm #

    nicholas: bless them night traders!

    dr. tan: hrmm shall check that out.

    dree: not really. with the tongue scraper i could bend it in so many angles to reach to the far end of my tongue!

    justine: you’re not, hahah. my bf used toothbrush too. gross lah!

  23. yayo July 3, 2009 at 8:52 am #

    tongue in yellowish and thick coating. is mean the person having internal heat. it is not dirt

  24. maverick March 25, 2011 at 10:10 am #

    haha.. thats a good post on battle of the tongue :) tho i never clean my tongue often, make me wanna puke each time when i do it

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