Those who know me personally would know that I’ve recently been in nothing short of a rut waiting for my work to commence. This was partially the reason I needed to take a break from blogging as well because to simply sum it up, “it’s just too much”. This morning, after many phonecalls to my company and some intimidatingly named department, I’ve finally found out the real reason behind the delay.

The reason for this unusually long delay is apparently attributed to my doctor’s writing. You know what they say about a doctor’s writing, downright messy and unreadable at the best of times. So my company sort of freaked out at the sight of incomprehensible squiggleys, refered back to my doctor for clarification, hence more documentations and bureaucracy while I drifted in and out of a phase I shall aptly call “ground zero”. See….I knew, I knew it was not going to go well when I had to go back a second time for my eye test.

Another week or two. “Hopefully”, she said. I could just about set fire to the office.

I was peeing. And the urine burnt my backdoor. The boyfriend asked me what was I yelping about. “Massive poop. I think I ripped my arsehooo”. Bugger laughed out loud. Then I told him something that happened to me when I was dumb kid.

When I was a toddler, my Mom used to make me defecate on a potty in the living room. You see, I was a very stubborn and naughty girl. I never napped as when my Mom wanted me too. But toddlers are not made to stay awake for 12 hours daily, so I would steal naps during my potty sessions. One time, as I tried to push out a massive crap, so massive that I genuinely thought my arsehole was going to rip, I decided to stop pushing. Being a dumb kid and all, I had not known about the wonders of orifice elasticity.

I was shit scared and too embarassed to wail to Mommy. By the 20th minute, I must had dozed off. Then, there was a loud thud and a splash of urine. I was sprawled on the floor, half naked with half a massive poop protruding out from between my arse cheeks. The next thing I felt was a very sore cheek (having hit my face on the marble floor) and burning palms (caned on the both palms courtesy of Mommy). Splendid.

By the way, check out this site (not safe for work). Thanks Paul